Like I've said before, sometimes it's hard to be selfless, so sometimes it's hard to turn towards your spouse. We are told by our parents to "use our words" and that "communication is key" but as I've been married not all "words" are used the same way and not all "communication" is understood. When trying to turn towards my spouse I find myself not saying what I'm wanting or not understanding what my spouse is wanting. I don't know how I'm supposed to communicate what I'm wanting or how I'm feeling when a lot of times I don't even know myself.
I want my husband to understand my needs, I want him to know what I'm thinking and feeling; communication is hard. When asking about his day I always want him to know I love him and that we're on a team. If he needs someone to gossip with I'm here, if he needs someone to solve his problems I'm here, if he just needs someone to listen to I'm his girl. I don't think my marriage is struggling right now, but I want us to be one. I'm one that likes physical contact and constant communication, I'm sort of very needy. My husband on the other hand likes his space, he grew up never really showing physical contact and only talks when something needs to be said.
When turning towards my husband I often overwhelm him with mindless conversations and a lot of physical contact. I know these aren't things that make my husband feel loved, but how do I change that? We communicate the way we feel love, but it's hard to change the way we show it. Turning towards each other is hard. Taking marriage advice makes sense, their suggestions make sense, but it doesn't make it easy. I guess I'll continue to try, because he's worth it all.
Gottman, J. N., & Silver, N. (n.d.). Turning Toward Each Other Instead of Away. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (pp. 87–114).
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