Letting Go of Past Relationships

 

At the beginning of my marriage I struggled a lot emotionally. In high school I was in a very manipulative relationship where I was never the only girl in his life. When my husband and I met that was very important to me, I saw the characteristics that my husband had and they were very different than the ones of my mentally abusive relationship. Yet when we got married I found myself constantly worried that my husband was going to cheat on me or leave me. I hadn't fully recovered from this past relationship, I didn't think I was good enough. I was constantly questioning my marriage.

If you've never read the book "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" by John Van I would highly recommend doing so, even if your relationship isn't going through anything. This book helped me to get past my issues. I was so frustrated that I was questioning my husband when he never gave me any reason to question him. He's such a good man, but because I didn't go into our marriage fully recovered I struggled. I put him through a lot of it as well, and that's something that he didn't deserve.

Marriage isn't a happily ever after, it's a progressive cycle. Something that we can always and should always be working on. I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm glad I get to work on it with my amazing husband.

Marriage is Sacrifice

 

I once heard "I'll make sacrifices IF I have to" when referring to marriage. I believe that marriage is all about sacrifices, whether they be big or small. I make sacrifices to show my husband how much I love him. After a long day of school, taking care of our baby, cleaning, cooking etc. I try and find ways to serve my husband, some way to make his load lighter so that he can sit and relax at the end of the day. Would I I like to have alone time or time to relax instead? Of course! But I do these small sacrifices because I love him.

A little background story to this picture: my husband had COVID, our son had an ear infection and so I was taking care of both of them. One of the nights I was throwing up for what seemed like hours and our son had woken up screaming. Even though Chris wasn't feeling well either, My sweet husband made sacrifices so that he could put our little one back to bed and then take care of me.

Marriage is all about sacrifices. It's not about keeping score; who did the dishes last? Who brings in more money? Who has the most free time? It's about what you can give to your spouse, and I hope I can one day say I've given everything to him and our family.

Our marriage and our friends

 

There have been so many times where I've gotten comments about how it's bad that my husband spends so much time with "the boys." "If he really loved you he wouldn't want to be away from you." "Why are they making plans for a guys trip? Are they trying to leave you out?" 

 Here's what marriage has taught me:

I love my husbands friends, I love that he has someone who he can talk to when things are hard at home. I remember a fight my husband and I had at the beginning of our marriage, he was working a lot and it caused a lot of stress in our marriage. I was doing homework on his laptop while he was at work, he was texting his friend which would send notifications to his laptop as well as his phone, the conversation was about me, obviously I was intrigued. I read through the conversation and at the end I cried, his friend sent three simple words "just love her."

If my husband didn't have such amazing friends then where is he supposed to turn to when he needs advice? I agree that as a married couple you discuss everything with your spouse, but what if the topic is about your spouse? I don't believe in gossiping about your partner, but I do believe that sometimes you need someone to help encourage you when times are tough. Since then I've allowed my husband to have his bro dates. Yes the guys can come over and play FIFA, if they're hungry invite them over for dinner, yes they can spend the night or you can go spend the night there.

Marriage doesn't have to be an end to your social life. Because of my husband and his "boys" we've grown our family and I'm so grateful for such good guys that lift my husband up, respect our marriage and love my husband unconditionally. 

Love your neighbor; the hardest commandment

 

    We live in a world today where it seems like hate is thrown around like candy. We bash and tear each other down over our different beliefs. Recently going on facebook has been hard for me because it seems to be full of hate, especially with the election coming up: "Trump is a racist", "Biden is an idiot", "if you don't support gay rights you're a bad person", "if you do support gay rights you're a bad person." Why is it so hard to just love and support each other and to love and support our differences? I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. I believe marriage is essential and sacred. I believe every baby has the right to birth and shouldn't be aborted. Does this make me a bad person? I hope not! Does this mean I hate people who have same-sex attraction or who believe in abortion? Do I hate people for voting differently than me? NO! Of course not! 

    God's greatest commandment is "thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." What an amazing commandment! All Heavenly Father wants from us is to love each other, He sent us here with the greatest gift; agency. Do I have the right to take away someones ability to choose what they believe? Heck no! Our country is so amazing because we have the FREEDOM to choose! I think what we often forget to love others no matter what they choose, even if it's different from you. If we love, and genuinely love, maybe we can obtain peace. I know I sure need it. 

The Miracle of Childbirth

 

    Have you ever thought about how amazing childbirth is? Like honestly! A man and a woman have the ability to create another person! A woman's body changes, as if by magic, to fit this baby who is growing inside of her. Then when it's time, her body changes again so that this individual can come into the world. How can there not be a God? Her body can do this as many times as it needs to in order to bring children into this world, but it doesn't stop there. The body continues to provide for this individual, it takes her food and turns it into milk to nourish the child. 

    I know that today it seems as though woman want to be equal to men, but can a man carry and nourish a baby in their womb? NO! We as woman have such an amazing gift to create and nourish children. Heavenly Father created us equally but He didn't intend for us to be the same. 

    My husband and I decided we wanted to grow our family on our two year anniversary, it took us almost exactly a year to get pregnant with our sweet boy. Throughout the pregnancy I was able to feel little Leo moving around, his favorite time was when his papi would watch soccer games. When we would watch soccer Leo became so active as if he was playing off of Chris' emotion. Then when we would go to bed Chris would put his hand on my stomach and sure enough there was Leo pushing up against papi trying to cuddle. This special time I had with my baby in my body was so magical. Now I can still see how my body changes to continue to nurture him. Leo won't take bottles if I'm ever in the room, I don't know if it's because he wants what's fresh or if he enjoys feeding time together, but how awesome to experience this! I've never felt a love like this before. Heavenly Father is good, He loves me and He has blessed me with the gift of being a mother!

Family is a Strength:

In the culture that I grew up in family meant: mom, dad and children, but it also meant that aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins etc. also had a place at the table. The extended family was a hidden strength that we have, a blessing. When marrying my husband I kept this in mind, because I truly believe that when you get married you're not just marrying an individual, you're marrying an entire family. So meeting his family was a huge deal in deciding if I was ready to marry this particular family. I'm grateful for the way my husband was raised and the similarities in family beliefs that we share. When meeting his family, they were also in the mindset that they were meeting a future daughter, sister or aunt.

Marriage between a man and a woman is super important, establishing a relationship between a husband and wife without the rest of the family is essential. I know that my husband comes first and I know that I come first to him, but I also know that we have the extra strength of my parents and siblings as well as his parents and siblings. I know that our children will have the strength of a huge loving family who will take care of them, not just mom and dad, but they'll have others who want nothing but the best for them.

The Family is Ordained of God:

"Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." (The Family: A Proclamation to the world) We all have a responsibility in the family, Heavenly Father loves us so much that He sent us here in a team. Every team has different positions, these positions each have their own unique responsibility. No position is better than the others, we all need to be able to perform to the best of our abilities. 

Fathers are to preside over their families, Heavenly Father blessed us with the priesthood and through the father all of the family is able to partake of this wonderful blessing. Mothers are to nurture their children, Heavenly Father created all of us differently and unique. We are all equal in the site of God, but being equal doesn't mean being the same in responsibilities. Mothers were blessed with a love that is very unique, this helps them to give their family the love and nurture that they need. 

Today everyone seems to be trying to be the same, we're forgetting that we've always been equal, but equality doesn't mean same. We are all equal in the Lord's eyes, but we all have our role to play. We are different, man and woman, husband and wife. It's only together that we can accomplish what He wants us to. What an amazing concept!